Parental Alienation

Parental alienation is not a legal definition, or clinical definition, but one that has been coined through years of use.  Parental alienation occurs when one parent attempts to turn children against the other parent by manipulation, negative comments against the other parent, blaming the other parent for the separation and divorce, and denying time with the other parent to carry out the alienation. 

Early “symptoms” of alienation include the alienating parent placing emotional pressure on the child to support that parent.  This often occurs by sharing information regarding a  separation or divorce that may be unhealthy and unnecessary for a child (e.g. showing the child divorce-related paperwork, text messages and emails).  The alienating parent may inform the child of the reason for the separation if it benefits the parent’s “cause.”  The child is placed in the position to emotionally support this parent and cannot resist the emotional pull of the alienator.  Rather than the parent emotionally supporting the child during this difficult time, the child finds himself emotionally supporting the parent, which leads to resentment of the non-alienating parent. 

Characteristics of an alienating parent may include:

          Anger:  Anger is a common emotion of an alienating parent.  The alienating parent is frequently not the initiator in the divorce and may be blaming the other party for the current state of events.  This anger may be coupled with fear of the unknown.  Fear can often lead to a strong desire to take control of the situation.  The control may manifest in taking control of the children’s schedules and not allowing the other parent to spend time with the children. 

Motivation:  The motivation is typically to punish the other parent for the breakdown of the marriage and relationship.  Whether consciously or sub-consciously, additional motivation may include the desire for the child to provide the alienating parent with emotional support from the child. 

Behaviors:  The most common behavior begins with one parent badmouthing the other parent.  Additional behaviors include inappropriately involving the child in decisions, such as schedule making, sharing too much information with the child, and keeping the other parent away from the child.  Alienating parents also may quiz the child on each and every detail of visits with the other parent placing the child in both the role of reporter and also attempting to make the alienating parent feel as if he is the “better” parent.  The reporting more often than not leans toward complaining about the other household. 

Parental alienation is one of the most difficult issues family law attorneys handle, but one the Family First Law Group lawyers are all too familiar with.  To learn more, please contact us.